An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that’s obsessed with sexual attraction, and what the ace perspective can teach all of us about desire and identity.
What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through life not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about gender roles, about romance and consent, and the pressures of society? This accessible examination of asexuality shows that the issues that aces face—confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships—are the same conflicts that nearly all of us will experience. Through a blend of reporting, cultural criticism, and memoir, Ace addresses the misconceptions around the “A” of LGBTQIA and invites everyone to rethink pleasure and intimacy.
Journalist Angela Chen creates her path to understanding her own asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that “not wanting sex” was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in a religious household and did everything “right,” only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Disabled aces, aces of color, gender-nonconforming aces, and aces who both do and don’t want romantic relationships all share their experiences navigating a society in which a lack of sexual attraction is considered abnormal. Chen’s careful cultural analysis explores how societal norms limit understanding of sex and relationships and celebrates the breadth of sexuality and queerness.
“A thoughtful—and long overdue—addition to the catalog of sexuality writing and resources. Chen thoughtfully positions asexuality not as its own unique category or identity but as one more point on the vast, diverse spectrum of human sexual identities. A must-read for everyone: ace, allo, or anywhere in between.”
—Lux Alptraum, author of Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex—And the Truths They Reveal
“Angela Chen’s tenacious search for the precise language to describe her experiences is deeply moving and relatable. This book will inspire you to interrogate every assumption you’ve made about yourself, your sexuality, and your relationships. Ace is a revelation. We can’t stop thinking about it.”
—Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, authors of Big Friendship
“Accessible and eloquently written, Ace sensitively and accurately spotlights an interconnected series of outsider experiences. Few asexual-spectrum narratives so authentically and diversely capture the truths, the quirks, the tragedies, and the triumphs of our lives without alienating non-ace readers or appealing only to one subset of the ace population. Ace creates an inclusive tapestry of validating and eye-opening narratives that will give some readers an experience they may have never had before: seeing our ‘anomalous’ perspectives and emotions given the sensitive examination and validation we’ve always been denied. This book is a welcome addition to a very niche field and puts so many nuanced experiences into relatable, empathetic language.”
—Julie Sondra Decker, author of The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality
“Though Angela Chen is a science journalist, Ace is nothing less than a cultural feat. It’s a powerful book that interweaves reporting and research about asexuality in ways that will remain with readers long after they’ve turned the last page. Asexuality has long been misunderstood, but after reading this masterpiece I know asexuality will be at the forefront of all of our minds as we think more deeply about who gets sidelined in broader conversations about gender identity and sexual orientation, and what that reveals about how we benefit from oppressing those different from us. Angela has achieved something that seems so simple but is actually difficult: allowing people to talk about and for themselves within a book that’s so heavily driven by hard-hitting reporting. Ace announces a new dawn, one in which asexual people are voicing their experiences without fear or shame. They’re here, simply living and demystifying misconceptions in the process.”
—Evette Dionne, editor-in-chief of Bitch Media and author of Lifting As We Climb: Black Women’s Battle for the Ballot Box
“Through painstaking research and her considerable skill as a storyteller, Angela Chen brings needed attention and nuance to an often overlooked spectrum of asexual experiences, encouraging readers to consider what exists and what is possible in terms of human connection, consent, understanding, and acceptance. A book that makes room for questions even as it illuminates, Ace should be viewed as a landmark work on culture and sexuality.”
—Nicole Chung, author of All You Can Ever Know
Author’s Note
PART I: SELF
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER 1
Arriving at Asexuality
CHAPTER 2
Explanation Via Negativa
CHAPTER 3
Compulsory Sexuality and (Male) Asexual Existence
PART II: VARIATIONS ON A THEME
CHAPTER 4
Just Let Me Liberate You
CHAPTER 5
Whitewashed
CHAPTER 6
In Sickness and in Health
PART III: OTHERS
CHAPTER 7
Romance, Reconsidered
CHAPTER 8
The Good-Enough Reason
CHAPTER 9
Playing with Others
CHAPTER 10
Anna
CHAPTER 11
Where Are We Going, Where Have We Been?
Thank You
Further Reading
Notes
Index